sa iyo na hindi ko natext...

- dahil wala akong load
- dahil di pa ako pinalad na mapasama ka sa contacts list ng phone ko
- dahil wala akong tamang number mo

...

wag kang mag-alala. mahalaga ka sa akin.

Maligayang Pasko! sana'y nag-eenjoy ka sa mga panahong ito.

Salamat sa pagiging parte ng buhay ko.

[random thoughts]

it could have been my first time to go to any of bolinao's beaches, and for that matter, just to go there for leisure. when i go to bolinao, it's either to visit the grave of my grandfather or accompany my mom to settle some matters. circumstances would not permit it.

it is supposed to be a season of good cheer. for my cousins and my aunt, it may not turn out to be such. losing a husband and a father is something nobody expected at this time. my cousins are still all in school. all of a sudden, their dad is taken away from them. though the prelude had been so long, i would like to think that their minds are finally at ease, albeit, in a very melancholy way. i have no better words with which to express my condolences to you tita cyn, tj, pat and alana. i know you can get through this. be strong and don't forget that there are many people around who are willing to help, just as how your family has always done in the past.

i don't want to end this post on a sad note.

i arrived here in dagupan at 12 mn. this was because i was able to leave qc by 7pm. this after having had a movie marathon (of the four i got to watch only two), a drinking session at around 10 in the morning, and more kwentuhan afterward with pizza for lunch. i don't think i can do justice to the experience right now. another time. when we get back from the funeral.

and um, christmas is right around the corner, poking its head out. don't feel it yet. i felt some semblance of the spirit when i was watching the fireworks after the lantern parade (this one really blew me away - ang galing talaga) with pinoy christmas songs being played on the background. rightn ow, there's nothing else i can feel that comes close to the happiness brought about by christmas.

k o k o l o g y

kokology. quite a funny-sounding word, no?

i don't know where this word originated, but it is the title of a series of books which delves into the psych/e(?) of an individual by providing the basis for or an insight into the answers given to questions based on a specific situation.

ate macel just bougt one of the books. in the aftermath of eating, and talking in groups, and basically having nothing else to do as a collective (the Sonic collective, if i may say so) supposedly enjoying a Christmas party, some of us held class and answered questions, sharing a bit of our answers, and agreeing and vehemently denying the interpretation of some of our answers.

in the trash can-related question, the loose pieces of trash spilling from the can signify the image people have of me - something about me being straightforward and/or being righteous - but that it's only superficial. for deep inside, i'm actually keeping a lot of feelings bottled up, not providing for an opportunity to let them free.

in the cinderella story, the thing that stood out for me most of all is the image of Cinderella being transformed into the beautiful lady complete with paraphernalia and servants by the fairy godmother. yes, it's got something to do with me being optimistic in life, my expectations all high above, neglecting the fact that oftentimes, reality is many times less wonderful than our dreams. in the real world, practical approaches are needed, but due to this overly optimistic nature of mine, i tend to think of things in a grander way, which do not really help me. there's something else related to my ambitiousness but i couldn't find that train of thought.

both hit right on target. the first one is a matter of nature. i guess the second one also is, me being a dreamer and all. however, i think some aspects of it could be remedied, like me staying grounded in reality. for the questions regarding relationships, i must say i can't fully relate as yet, especially when the discussion turns to the type that requires, well, basically, romance.

note: seems like wasn't able to provide a sort of conclusion for the thoughts enumerated aboe. but i'll post them anyway. hehe.

[walang maisip na title]

if there's anything that this sem is becoming, it's that i'm starting to regret sticking with my course. i've finally surpassed the math series. i've just about made enough to get over with physics 71. and now, here comes physics 72. if what my prof said was true, my brain isn't interconnected enough for me to fully comprehend the ideas being presentd in all these science courses. my head just swims through the concepts in physics. and when it's time for recit or quiz - i usually don't remember a thing of what was discussed the previous day. and it's like everything's so simple during the lecture, but when the questions come raining in, i don't know what happened to what i knew then. it's like my brain isn't processing the data. it just looks at them and throws them out. nothing there to retain. awhile ago, i was thinking, i really lke to read so why hadn't i taken a literature-related course. food technology being a majorly technical course, i don't know if i can't make it in the industry. and more students are taking up the course nowadays. i'd be dead meat.

and now, it's time to think of a probable thesis topic and right now, i've had no good ideas.

mantra to self: must not invite bad vibes, must no invite bad vibes. just go, go, go.

yes, i was on a roll awhile ago, just looking up on anything that may possibly yield anything. the place left to scour is the net. and oh yeah, need to look through my notes, especially those during the food chem classes. might find something that'll set off a spark.

***

november just breezed through and gone, leaving me with an impression of having wasted the past month. to think that this sem is thesis proposal sem. it was like, my only real (read: serious) class was physics. in kas 2, sir neil was usually interspersing jokes and stories into the lesson, which comes in the form of carefully prepared handouts giving just a general overview of the topics. we could while away the time just laughing at what sir was saying. we had our first meeting in he 101 last wednesday. and i've got an essay due tomorrow about a treasured object (which i'm having a hard time identifying that's why i'm blogging for the lost time, haha). hrim 112 just serves to remind me that i'm no longer used to having 7am classes. there hasn't been a class day where i was on time. thankfully, our prof doesn't arrive at 7 on the dot, so at tleast, there's some leeway for me. although i forgot to anticipate the traffic caused about by the one-way policy in the acad oval, thus making the toki jeep's route further. but ma'am was later than me today so it's fine. as for fs 192, well, it has been so-so the past weeks. however, with the lessons in material/mass balance, i don't think it'll be easy anymore. analytical skills need to kick in. i just hope i have enough of those to serve me well in the exam on january 11.

just gotta say this...

just can't get this out of my head - just a little while ago, it was at the back of my mind, but it has now graduated to occupy my major thinking - so i'm making an entry out of it (just taking a break from reading various technical studies, hehe). in between talking about the peopling of Asia's different regions, sir Neil asked those who watched what they thought of Jan Dara (which was shown at the UP Cine Adarna last Friday at 10:30 am). after a silent reply and talking about what one of his students (someone who from Poveda) remarked about it, he proceeded to talk about the remarkable directors in Asian cinema. it turns out the director of Jan Dara is the one who directed the smash hit movie Nana, though i've never heard of it - unless it's the one the Japanese anime is based on. anyway, he also talked about three Chinese directors and he was quite aghast that none of us knew them. i actually knew one of them. of course, it's wong kar wai. but he being seated, and i seating second to the last at the end of the row in one corner of the room and with a voice that could barely be heard was not able to express my acquaintance with the famous wong kar wai, even if it was only with watching his films. the other director he mentioned was the one who helmed farewell, my concubine, a title i was familiar with but which i had never laid eyes on. anyway, it really bothers me now that he left the class without knowing that at least one of us knew one of the more artistic people in cinema that he was talking about. looking at it now, the fact that he was seating, the location of my seat which many times obstructs my view of him, and also the observation that he usually directs his view at the other side of the room, would've made any efforts of mine to express recognition of the director quite futile. but still, i could've raised my hand or intensified my voice since he was able to hear me when i expressed recognition of one famous miyazaki and his movie spirited away, but who, unfortunately, was the wrong person and film since he was referring to one of the pillars of Japanese cinema, along with Ozu whom joyce meant to movie-marathon with me (next week, dood). oh well, it's not really that big of a deal. but i have the notion that he thinks his students are not yet open to wider and more alternative cultures like the Asian culture which would be befitting students of asian history. but there's the notion that most, or almost all, of his students are freshies, and since many come from the provinces, one can't expect such influences to pierce the barrier set up by American imperialism. and i couldn't have answered satisfactorily if he asked me what i thought of wong kar wai's films, me being a passionate passive absorber instead of being a critically thinking viewer. one of my many pitfalls, something i was able to enumerate when i was taking a bath. more on that another time. maybe this morning, when i'm feeling like it. anyway, i'm getting back back to the thermal process contaminants.